I'm currently sitting in a cafe in central York attempting to hush my irrational thoughts. Everything is so fragile, yet on the the verge of something completely wonderful. My life is edging towards being perfect, yet I'm so completely terrified of it going horribly wrong. Sometimes I feel ancient, trapped in an eternal darkness. But now a new dawn is breaking and the golden light of the sun burns my eyes.
I don't give my heart away very easily. But now, I'm certain I've found the home for my heart.

Changes.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

Just a general update:
The last week and a half I have been attempting to catch up on all of my work. I had to return home from university for over a month because my father was unwell. Now he's back on the mend I can now take on the full load of work. I got a mark back for my dissertation literature review that I had completed whilst at home. I was certain I had done terribly because I completed it in around 10 hours but, I have to say, I'm very pleased with the mark I received! 

At the moment I am trying to grow nails because I want to wear beautiful nail varnish. However, as you can see, it doesn't look good at the moment. I would wear fake nails but considering I hand write most of my work before typing it up... well, it's just not going to work out, is it?
I have around six weeks to clear my room out as the contract on my house is nearly over! I'm quite looking forward to returning to the comforts of home, but I am especially looking forward to being able to see Shaun, my boyfriend every week! The thing is I have far too much stuff and my room back in County Durham looks very clean and nice at the moment. I won't throw any of my books away as that plainly feels like a crime but I have a lot of prints and posters that I may have to sell. It's going to be difficult... Does anyone want a big poster of Marlon Brando?...
What a babe, right? 

Who said romance was dead?

Hello! First and foremost I would like to say hello to my new followers! I haven't had any new ones in ages but I think that was due to my lack of posting. But I'm feeling more inspired to write recently. Always good news.
These past few days have been pretty lovely, I can't not brag to be honest. I was feeling pretty low because I was homesick and missing my boyfriend, then, out of nowhere, he surprised me by appearing in my living room! I was so completely delighted. He took me out to Nandos and then we went out for cocktails and got  merry. I was so completely happy. We went to Evil Eye Lounge where we enjoyed our very strong cocktails (one that we shared had Rum and Bohemian Absinthe in, yumm). We went to Evil Eye with our two friends Ruth and Noah, who are also in love. Anyway I won't tell you the full details of the evening and I'm pretty sure it will all sound sickly sweet to you. All I know is that I'm very lucky and very happy in life! I really hope the rest of you enjoy Valentine's, whether it is with a special someone or not.

Photos are from flickr.

Dreaming of spring.

(I wanted to add this photo because I took this in Italy last and I'm rather proud of it!)

Today I am in an extremely good mood. Mainly because I got good feedback on an essay I was convinced I had done terribly in (completing a 3000 word essay within 5 hours of the deadline will never leave you feeling confident). Another reason is because I'm now totally aware that I'm in the final semester of university. I know, it's supposed to be a sad thing... but to be honest I'm totally ready to move on. It's funny because everyone has been talking about their plans for when they finish and how they are scared but I haven't really been ready to share my plans completely. This is because I know that people will think I'm foolish, I get that feeling already because of what I study, but the only person that seems to really understand is my mother. She's very supportive of my plans even though they hold no guarantee. Of course I plan on getting a job, perhaps working in a shop or a cafe so I have an income, but I really need to pursue what I want to do because I refuse to resign to a less-than-fulfilling life. You see, I feel that I would gain more knowledge and strength in life trying and working for I want than just feeling like I don't have what it takes. Although it's clear that I still have anxieties about letting people in, the truth is I don't want to know what people think. I've spent my entire life trying to justify why I am the way I am and I now realise that I don't need to do that- not for anyone. I know my reasons and that's enough for me. If I don't succeed then that's fine. I've tried and I can move on. But I will always know that I tried. I'm a big cliché.

Wow, that was pretty serious stuff. Shall we move onto something lighter? I'm looking out my window right now and it is SUNNY. This is making me lust for spring. I'm going away in June to Barcelona with my boyfriend which I'm very excited for. I have started a healthy eating and exercise regime in preparation for this. Well actually I would like this to be a lifestyle change. I'm not fat but neither am I thin, and I'd like to be thin. I can't wait to wear shorts and get a decent tan on my pale olive skin. Barcelona is going to be SO much fun! I love Spanish food and culture, but what is really wonderful about Barcelona are the art galleries. I've already been to Barcelona three times but haven't been able to visit any of the galleries because these have been only one day visits (the last few years I have been on cruise ships with my parents). It'll be nice for only me and my boyfriend to go because we rarely get any time alone. Did I tell you he got me a Pandora bracelet for my 21st? What a legend. Anyway, in the run up to this holiday I will be posting some outfit posts- a)to show you what outfit I plan on wear. and b) to show you my weight loss progress. I'm feeling pretty positive about it all.
Anyway I have added some images of Barcelona to add some colour to this post! Have any of you been to Barcelona?

 This is Guadi's apartments which is where I've already been!
I'm looking forward to seeing them again. :)

2011

Hello and Happy New Year!

I'm glad to be rid off 2010. 2011 is year for new beginnings... I know, I know we all say that about a new year but there is an actual reason why I'm saying this- I finish university this year! Over the next four months I intend to throw myself into my work and do the best I can. I have to admit I'm already very exhausted but I think if I organise my time well enough I can really take this on. Anyway I think I'll list out what I intend to do this year, more for myself than for you to read...

1) Organise. Organisation is the key to great marks.

2) Take better care of myself. Lose weight and be happy. Food is not happiness- health is! I did manage to lose quite abit of work last summer but I know I can do better.

3) Stop taking shit from people. I'm tired of biting my tongue. An argument isn't worth my time but misery isn't worth my life either. There's only so much I can take.

4) Get my head clear. I've gone through some bad patches this past year and a half so I need to get over myself. The key to doing this is to be happy!

5) Save money.

6) Go running. I used to love it.

Who am I?

I realise that I haven't really gave much away about myself. I have posted blogs (majority of them just photos) about things I like but that really doesn't tell any kind of certain truth. So here it is.

1) I have to work hard at what I do. I'm not naturally gifted with ANY kind of intelligence, I have to revise. My grammar is poor (as well as my spelling), maths is terrible and science I cannot comprehend. I've have always been aware of my lack of natural intelligence so I made a conscious decision (from an early age) to always try and better myself.

2) I study Film and Theatre at university. It's demanding and hard but I want to actually try and aim for my dreams.

3) I have too much stuff. I can't throw anything away that has any kind of sentimental value to me. To me, throwing something away could mean that I'm throwing away that particular memory. My room is one full of keep-sakes.

4) My all time favourite books? American Psycho, The Shining, I am Legend, Cold Tom and Harry Potter (all of them).

5) Most of the things I say consists of quotes and references (to films and books). I am a copy of a copy of a copy.

6) My favourite kind of food is sushi and I am addicted to Red Bull.

7) My favourite item is my Club Master Ray Bans.

8) I have a long-term boyfriend (4 years) and I can never give him enough credit for how amazing he is.

9) I love sitting in art galleries when I have nothing better to do. They're quiet and calm.

10) I collect masks.

(PS: I'm wearing sunglasses because I hate my face.)

"...be always searching for new sensations..."

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy. So I thought I would just do a brief post. It's been excellent being home and despite the fact I haven't been blogging I have been scribbling away in my journal. I really can't stress the necessity of a journal! Get one! Even if you don't have anything to say just sketch or paste images into it. I think if I didn't keep some kind of journal words and thoughts would just spill out of me like a feverish sweat.
You can get the best journals from either Paperchase (I got my blue camera-print journal for £4.99) or TK Maxx (I know, surprising! But they do have beautiful leather journals in for a decent price). The images are some nice notebooks you can get at Paperchase.