"You missed so many hints about me."

“There are so many things Blair doesn’t get about me, so many things she ultimately overlooked, and things she would never know, and there would always be a distance between us because there were too many shadows everywhere. Had she ever made promises to a faithless reflection in the mirror? Had she ever cried because she hated someone so much? Had she ever craved betrayal to the point where she pushed the crudest fantasies into reality, coming up with sequences that only she and nobody else could read, moving the game as you play it? Could she locate the moment she went dead inside? Does she remember the year it took to become that way? The fades, the dissolves, the rewritten scenes, all the things you wipe away- I now want to explain these things to her but I know I never will, the most important one being: I never liked anyone and I’m afraid of people.”

- Imperial Bedrooms.

There is meaning in everything I own.

Books. I think that I had never picked up a book then I wouldn't be the person I am today. Books have influences my thoughts, my dreams and my personality. Above are a few of my favourites (plus two graphics novels). The small leather book you see is an old poetry books I got in a antique shop for £1.99. It is written in both French and English and dates back to 1916 (previous owners wrote theirs names and the date inside, it travelled from France to English during the first World War). This book, The Spirit of Man, is filled with prayers, verses, sonnets and philosophies. It is pure excitement for me, I love anything that has a potential story to it.
There is also Oscar Wilde there, but I have previously expressed my admiration for his words. Now, I know I never stop talking about him, but there is Bret Easton Ellis. I have both Imperial Bedrooms and American Psycho there for very different reasons; Imperial Bedrooms is signed by the man himself; American Psycho is the first Ellis book I read.
Arkham Asylum is up there because of how beautifully illustrated is. V for Vendetta is there because it plays on that whole 'on man's terrorist is another man's freedom-fighter'. I love V because it makes you question what you would do if you lived in a dictated state.


To the untrained eye my room at university looks like a charity shop, but to those who know me know I keep these things for a reason. I'm sentimental. I still have my 18th birthday card from my brother (I don't want to forget what his hand-writing was like). The teddy you see on my shelf belonged to my Aunty when she was a child. The plastic flowers were held by Florence Welch. The mask and musical egg were given to me by my father. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I like to be reminded every day by everything I've ever known or done. Looking at these things are like looking into my soul and having all my love and memories reflected right back at me. They are important to me.




Star buys! Leather satchel, 35 euros (from somewhere in France). Leather shoes, Topshop £55. Keep Calm and Eat a Cupcake poster £2.75, SU at university. Vintage books poster, £1 (I can't remember the shop name!).

The day I met Bret Easton Ellis. 16/07/2010

The week building up to the 16/07/2010 was possible thee most stressful week of my whole life. This is because I was heading off to London with Emily to meet our literary hero Bret Easton Ellis, not once but twice- for his signing and for an interview he was doing for Grazia. I was quietly frightened that I was going to fall over in front of him, or something as ridiculously stupid. But I must tell you that it turned out to be the best day of my entire life.
The public perceptions of him being pretentious, cold and too-cool for anyone are all, I can inform you, wrong. He was warm, talkative and just as equally excited to see me and Emily as we were to see him. The moment I realised that he wasn't the person I had read about was...wonderful. Me and Emily were first in line to get our books (Imperial Bedrooms) signed. I remember standing in front of his table, feeling very awkward. He looked at me through his sunglasses, for a moment looking just as unsure as I, but then his face broke out into a smile. He slapped the table with both of his hands and said "Well! Shall we get started then?" Happiness and excitement flowed out of me. I handed my book over to him and exclaimed how pleased I was that he had wrote a sequel to Less Than Zero. I remember him glancing at my name written on a sticky not inside of the book. I remember him saying "So Hayley... To Hayley..." But the BEST thing I remember was saying "I hope you don't mind me asking... but can I have a hug?" His reaction being- "A hug? Of course! (Emily informed me he said this next bit) I get hugs? I never get hugs!" Being bear hugged by my hero was unbelievable. Seriously.
While he signed Emily's book he told us how late of a night he had. He was all smiles and unguarded excitement.
Later we attended the opening of Grazia Book Club, where he was interviewed. There were lots of lovely free things: cup cakes (which Bret remarked on and was a little concerned about considering the role they played in Imperial Bedrooms), champagne, and free bags full of little treats. As he sat down to be interviewed he glanced and smiled at me and Emily (we caught this on camera). During his interview he was very patient with people who persistently asked him questions about morality despite him explaining he wouldn't answer them(because, he said, he felt he did not have justify himself anymore). He was funny, charming and looking incredibly cool with his suit and his thick-rimmed glasses. He was thoughtful and very intelligent.
After his interview me and Emily approached him to ask him questions (who was his favourite character, his answer being Clay. Then he asked us who his favourite character should be) and he offered to have more photo's taken with us and even asked whether they were taken properly.
I cannot emphasise enough how endearing and warm he was.

Dear Blog, I have missed you...

I must apologise for the lack of posts lately, I've been really sick and have been focusing on getting well. I decided to drop my vegetarian diet of six years and have started eating fish. I was vegetarian due to the fact I never liked the thought of eating something that was alive but I have come to realise that I'm really sacrificing my health. So I got tired of being lethargic all the time.
Anyway, on a more interesting note, I am heading with my mate Emily to London to meet my all time favourite American writer Bret Easton Ellis! I am very much looking forward to reading Imperial Bedrooms (I have read the opening chapter, which is beautifully written).
Also, Emily got us tickets to see 30 Seconds to Mars (Enter Shikari are supporting) in December. I cannot wait to see Jared Leto in person- he has been in some of my favourite films (which include American Psycho, Lord of War and Fight Club).

"...there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory..."

One of my favourite books of all time would most certainly have to be Bret Easton Ellis's American Psycho. I think Ellis is blossoming into one of my all time favourite authors. I read Lunar Park over Christmas, it terrified me and pretty much broke my heart. I'm currently reading Less Than Zero; protagonist is almost there... It's difficult to explain but it's pretty evident that Ellis has made Clay 'less' on purpose. Every time that Clay slips up (emotionally) I want to hold on to his every word.
But, as I said, American Psycho is my all time favourite. It's hilarious, satirical and horrendously violent and pornographic. I think what I loved most about the book was that Patrick Bateman was constantly on the verge of absolute madness, and every time he was tipping over the edge, about to slip, you were on there on the edge with him begging him to come back.

Once I've finished Less Than Zero I'm going to dive into The Informers (in courtesy of Emily, my good friend). Me and Emily are both very excited about Ellis's next novel- Imperial Bedrooms, a sequel to Less Than Zero. The first line of Imperial Bedrooms has been released:

"They had made a movie about us."