Catcher in the Rye.

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

-Holden Caulfield, Catcher in the Rye.

I really need to stop helping myself...

to free food! Caught on camera! Me sneaking off with free cupcakes at a Bret Easton Ellis talk. Uh-oh. I'm the one in the lilac dress and aviators. Here's the proof on youtube. I think I need to be more aware of what I'm eating...

Tom swept down from the skies into the Earth below. He gripped into his cloud, his fingers lacing the array of damp, white gas. His wings could not adjust to this alien atmosphere.

He had forever gazed down, watching the Earth below. He watched the people for thousands of years, fascinated with their wars and dreams, their graces and their vulgarity. He thought he knew everything about existence until Imogen, like a sudden blaze in the darkness, awoke something that slumbered in his body.

One day, a young teenager with hair like fire and skin as smooth as milk glided into the angels’ vision. He could not understand why he had singled her out but he continued to watch her throughout the rest of her teenage years. She’s like a phoenix, he once thought to himself, she’s something rare and precious, rising from the shadows of her world. Sometimes he was certain she could feel him; in moments of solitude she’d suddenly tilt her head backwards and her eye’s would glance up into heaven, as if searching for him.

Over time something began to change in her; she became meek; and her flame began to flicker. She once whispered aloud, as if speaking to Tom, I feel incomplete. As soon as her words reached him he realised that perhaps they belonged together. He wanted to save her. He was taught that angels didn’t have souls, but he felt that something stirred deep inside of him; maybe she awoke a soul that hid inside of his heart.

He tore the fabric that held a divide between Heaven and Earth; between Imogen and himself. He gripped on to the clouds that surrounded him, but gravity pulled him downward ripping him away from the warmth of the light and threw him into the Earths’ atmosphere. He struck the ground with such force that he was certain he would die. The earth beneath him shuddered and concaved with the weight of his fall. He lay unable to move, his platinum wings were heavy on his back. Everything faded.

To be continued...

Who am I?

I realise that I haven't really gave much away about myself. I have posted blogs (majority of them just photos) about things I like but that really doesn't tell any kind of certain truth. So here it is.

1) I have to work hard at what I do. I'm not naturally gifted with ANY kind of intelligence, I have to revise. My grammar is poor (as well as my spelling), maths is terrible and science I cannot comprehend. I've have always been aware of my lack of natural intelligence so I made a conscious decision (from an early age) to always try and better myself.

2) I study Film and Theatre at university. It's demanding and hard but I want to actually try and aim for my dreams.

3) I have too much stuff. I can't throw anything away that has any kind of sentimental value to me. To me, throwing something away could mean that I'm throwing away that particular memory. My room is one full of keep-sakes.

4) My all time favourite books? American Psycho, The Shining, I am Legend, Cold Tom and Harry Potter (all of them).

5) Most of the things I say consists of quotes and references (to films and books). I am a copy of a copy of a copy.

6) My favourite kind of food is sushi and I am addicted to Red Bull.

7) My favourite item is my Club Master Ray Bans.

8) I have a long-term boyfriend (4 years) and I can never give him enough credit for how amazing he is.

9) I love sitting in art galleries when I have nothing better to do. They're quiet and calm.

10) I collect masks.

(PS: I'm wearing sunglasses because I hate my face.)

#2

They controlled each other; mirroring each other’s moves; watching each other intently. Their obsession with one another was continuous and crippling. He, like a fox, circled her, followed her. The first time he fucked her, she saw into his core; she saw that he could kill her. Meaning this much to him meant everything to her, more than anything. He’d whisper songs into her soul, “We’re more than human, but you make me ache for everything.”

He wanted to contain her. He wanted to eat her, keep her soul inside of him. He couldn’t understand her, why she stayed with him or why she’d look back at him in wonderment after he hurt her. He couldn’t be without but he couldn’t stand her, they way she controlled him through desire and absolute need. She wasn’t human; she was something rare and ancient.

#1

I vaguely wonder to myself whether or not anything holds any true existence. Is it all just random? I don’t think I agree. But, then again, I can’t be certain of myself.

I’m a self-made invention. I can be who I want to be, and there isn’t much more I care about. I’m a product of my influences. I have never cared much for anything and I don’t like anyone. The most glamorous thing about life is that you can choose to be an observer or to be the observed. I choose to be observed. I am the silent friend in your group, the beautiful accessory of dark coldness that you have all chosen. You feel that you have all excelled because of my silent presence, my acceptation, as though this means you all know me personally. But truthfully, no one can look into me. And truthfully, I don’t care as long as people find me interesting. The people that exist around me are all watching me, looking for something in my reactions or my feeling. At some point they will realise that I am only a ghost, an idea of a person. To them that makes me all the more interesting.

Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus.

Released in 2006 and directed by Steven Shainberg this film was a TOTAL find for me! I only picked this up because it had Robert Downey Jr and it suggested nudity. I shamefully have to admit that I didn't care about the story or who it was based on before a pressed the PLAY button on my laptop, but as the film played on I realised it was about thee Diane Arbus, the photographer. She famously took photographs of the weird, the fascinating and the wonderful.Anyway, this film shows a fictional portrait of her and what inspired her to become

a photographer. This film is about image, sexuality and acceptance.

This beautifully shot piece paints the image of a housewife (Nicole Kidman), restricted by social conformity, who tries to break out and find herself.

Her realisation is helped by her new neighbor, an ex circus performer (played

by RDJ) who suffers from a condition in which hair grows on every part of his body.

The film delightfully makes a strange comparison with what's 'normal' and what isn't, commenting on the surface value of society by breaking it down; placing hand-in-hand love and acceptance.

What I love.

It's all the rage to write about what you love and hate. I've decided to list what I love and not what I hate just because most of my hates are phobias. And, anyway, it will distract me from all the explosions outside... it sounds like WW3.

The stars: When I was little I used to be obsessed with the stars. My dad got me a telescope and books on the stars and planets. This started my love for myths and legends.

Myths and Legends: The Greek Gods are fascinating to me. When I was young it used to amaze me that they existed in the stars.

Animals: Do I really need to explain? They are all just so beautiful.


Dreams: I'm a vivid dreamer. Dreams have given me the opportunity to visit the dead, swim the seas and glide through the stars. Sometimes, I wish I could sleep forever.


Beautiful people: What more can I say?


Literature: I don't think I'd be who I am today without all of the excellent books I have encountered.

The woods: There's a small area of woodland near where I live. When I was young I don't think there was any place more mystical to me. Today it's the perfect jog spot.

Art: Better than any photograph, art gives you an opportunity to convey what words can't.

Film: A way of inception. You can give birth to the smallest idea through a great film.

Sunglasses: Everyone should own a good pair.

Coffee: Bitter, dark and sweet; like a perfect partner.

History: A point of reference of amazing, revolutionary ideas.

The ocean: Deep and frightening, it's an undiscovered world within our world.

Travel: finding those inspirational places in which history took place.

The Future: As frightening and as unpredictable as it is, it's a window of opportunity. Everyone has their own path. Have faith in it.

I love smart men.