Happiness is present and I'm holding on to it for dear life. There's really only that ever-haunting sensation that I'm going to lose it all, that I deserve non of it. That's just something that I'm going to have to over-come. I fear to strive for something for the fear of experiencing defeat. It's quite ridiculous really. All of this anxiety cooped up inside is really doing no good at all. So my aim is to release it, to let it go. To shout "Fuck off! Be gone! I deserve to be okay!" I aim to return to university and get my MA. I hope to travel distant lands, to throw my hair back in foreign air and to laugh freely. Freely. Fear is like a prison. It not only dominates my thinking, it dominates what I do. It shackles me from seeking out the greatest adventures that my life could offer. That's no way to live. I am excommunicating fear from my life. For me, this is not common sense- this is bravery. Like facing the monster under your bed, you'll find joy not in realising the monster isn't real, but in how brave you were to kneel on the carpet and peer under your bed.
The best thing about this whole moving-forward-in-my-life malarky? I am not alone!
2 comments:
I understand what you're saying about fear and anxiety but don't for one second think that you don't deserve all the happiness your experiencing right now. You deserve to be happy. You have a boyfriend who loves you and lots of friends who care deeply about you. You're not alone.I believe that good things happen to good people and you are one of those good people. Don't let fear goven your life, because as you say, it will hold you back and prevent you from experiencing new adventures in life and a great man once said that life truly is beautiful. Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.
As Michael said!!
Don't know if you remember but Noah read this poem out in his speech. Hope it helps!!
Love you babe
xx
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your dreams, ideas before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their certitudes, they are a slave: they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is truly free.
Post a Comment